Tuesday, September 27, 2016

Shocking Revelation! I'm Absolutely Horrified! And I Have To Retire THIS Blog Too!

I just became aware that this blog information has been available PUBLICLY on my Facebook account.

I'm feeling pain in my neck and knots in my stomach over this horrifying discovery.

This means my fucking FOO has had knowledge of and access to my blog.

Because I changed my settings in Facebook months ago to FRIENDS ONLY being able to see my posts, I thought I was safe. Boy was I woefully mistaken. I just figured out that the public has access to all my information; everything in About and all my Photos. I could vomit right now.

I added my blog URL to my workplace info a while ago, never thinking for one second that my FOO could see it.

And I just deleted my blog URL from my Facebook.

I have to sacrifice this blog too! I know without doubt that my nosy, sneaky ex-sister will have definitely been spying on me all this time, and broadcasting to everyone about all my private and personal details and writings!!!!!!!!

They have been able to read my entire blog!

I NEED to be FREE of them!!! I orphaned myself for supremely good and healthy reasons! Because they gave me no choice!!! I was finally FREE and getting genuinely HAPPY and taking my PERSONAL POWER BACK that I had given those ignorant, misguided, hurtful, abusive shit-heads my whole life!!!

I feel so STUPID and so SORRY that I unwittingly gave them access to my most personal and sacred parts of myself!

I feel so SAD!!!
And MAD!!!

Mother Fucking Damn It!!!!!!!

This is a major setback and oh so very disappointing. I should delete the entire blog, but what difference does it make now? She's already read everything.

MAN did I ever blow it.

As you know very well by now, I only wish my FOO+ well. I just can't ever go back to them. My ex-sister betrayed my trust again a while ago by sending me a postcard in the mail about some bullshit and the whole thing was very, very hurtful to me. WHEN WILL THEY LEAVE US ALONE?! Of course I burned it. And of course, I snapped right back to my very happy, free, peaceful, growing-in-self-love self. And I will do that again soon after publishing this post! I'll recover and move on.

Again, I have told those people clearly and explicitly multiple times not to contact any of us again unless it's to FEEL DEAL HEAL. I know now that will never happen because I finally learned the cold, hard truth that they are incapable of even apologizing, let alone admitting the abuse I suffered.


Monday, September 19, 2016

Just A Thank You To My Readers : )

As a writer I do so appreciate you, my readers!
And I'm glad you seem to appreciate my blogging style of no comments and no followers.
Since my blog is like a living journal to me, who needs comments or followers?   
I prefer allowing people to sign-up for an email subscription because that way I have no idea who's reading me. I don't like the feeling of keeping track of things like that cuz it feels like I'm keeping score.
You are welcome to email me anytime though.

And I want to say something else. I want to give a shout-out to my Loves!

I know I will need help from time to time being talked out of drinking when I miss it and think I want to drink and think that it's OK to. Especially because of being constantly bombarded with all the "glamorous" drinking on TV shows and movies and Netflix and AmazonPrime. But my Saving Grace will be my ability to LISTEN and INTERNALIZE what my loves are telling me. And nevermore to question or debate in my head what they say to me when I lean on them.
 I noticed this brand new skill and mindset those three days last week I wanted to drink. It was GREAT. It was POWERFUL. It saved my ass.​

Saturday, September 17, 2016

Well, Sadly, This Is My Song

And I Know I'm Not Alone.
It Came Up As If On Cue While I Was Working On My Memoir

Thursday, September 15, 2016

More Research That Cannabis Is In Our DNA

From one of the most trusted sources, Dr. Mercola.  


Why Are DEA and HHS Ignoring Human Endocannabinoid System?

Cannabinoid receptors can be found on cell membranes throughout your body — in fact, scientists now believe they may represent the most widespread receptor system in the human body. Two receptor types have been identified:
  • CB1: Cannabinoid receptors that are extremely prolific in your brain (excluding your brain stem), but also present in your heart, lungs, kidneys, liver, pancreas and other parts of your body
  • CB2: Cannabinoid receptors primarily found in your immune system
Your endocannabinoid system is thought to help regulate nearly every physiological process and plays an important role in maintaining homeostasis, and yet this is not taught in medical school. We’ve shared this important system with all vertebrate species and even sea squirts for more than 600 million years. Science to date suggests that your endocannabinoid system is integral to the following biological processes, and chances are we’ve barely scratched the surface.

Wednesday, September 14, 2016

Been Having A Lot Of Anxiety Lately About Not Drinking

I'm learning that women will understand this more than men because we are different when it comes to drinking and sobriety....

More than this, on another topic completely, I've been feeling like I don't know who I am. And that could be a spiritual thing. It's eery and I'll talk about it later. Maybe.

The anxiety over not drinking and over the thought that I can't is freaking me out the past few days.

And I'm feeling lightheaded and weird.

And if I had my old frienemy alcohol I could self medicate and feel better for a while.

And I'm writing my way through it right now (Wednesday afternoon).

I also have my loving family and boyfriend helping me through it. Hearing their complete confidence in my need for teetotalism reassures me that they are right. It helps me not to listen to the energy that questions or doubts that.

By the way, cannabis microdosing is great but it can't fix me every time, I'm learning. Sometimes it doesn't hit the spot and spare me from these kinds of feelings.

But apparently women have more anxiety over sobriety than men do, for many reasons.

So. Where do I go from here?

I don't know. I only know that I'm not going to drink.