Friday, May 13, 2016

Can't Forget The Number One Reason I Drank Rather Regularly

Never every day though. Just sayin'. Before Mother's Day I was averaging drinking every-other day, instead of my preferred once or twice a week, which is why I decided to try the Reboot (30 days abstinent). I took my drinking to that limit due to the hurt and stress I was experiencing on account of my FOO, which so greatly added even more fatigue. Not to mention sadness, grief, and PTSD.

THE GODDAMNED, UNBEARABLE, INDEFINABLE, OVERWHELMING, CRAZYASS, BONE-CRUSHING ME/CFS FATIGUE!  That's why!!---That's the number one reason I drank.

Now, I'm not one to whine or complain about my health, and that's the truth. But sometimes you just have to vent! And sometimes you just have to try to let people who can't understand what it's like hear a bit about what you're going through. The most understandable description for people seems to be that having this dd (damn disease) is like having the flu--That Never Goes Away.

I most often drank for ENERGY!

This dd is mercilessly debilitating. It is incurable and untreatable. Most people with ME/CFS take meds to help with the many symptoms, but my meds has always only been booze and pot. I'm an anti-meds girl in general. No offense. I see meds most often making people sicker and creating new illness in their poor bodies.

I'M ONE OF THE VERY SUPER LUCKY ONES WITH ONLY A MODERATE CASE OF ME/CFS, AND I NEVER EVER TAKE THAT FOR GRANTED.

(Watch the ground-breaking, highly interesting, very well-made, one-hour film. If you please. Link in right margin.)

The FATIGUE is often SOO bad that all I can do is sit comatose-like on my throne (my bed). I can't read, I can't watch TV, and even listening to music is too tiring and too much for my senses. Daily naps are required with this dd, but they don't relieve the fatigue very much, if at all. And I wake up every morning exhausted; nighttime sleep is never refreshing.

Is it any wonder I'd turn to alcohol? It gives me energy and it gives me pleasure and it allows me to escape other symptoms for a while too.

OK, end of rant!

NONETHELESS, I have managed my life MOSTLY substance-free the past 18 years with this dd, and I've been mostly sober my entire life; like a binge drinker.

I JUST WANT TO GET BACK TO MY NORM OF DRINKING ONCE OR TWICE A WEEK AND NOT TO EXCESS. FOR ME THAT'S 1 - 5 STANDARD DRINKS.