Monday, May 16, 2016

Head Still Spinning

I mean, come on, for 3 1/2 years I've been drinking again (details of my drinking history in my retired drinking blog; link above), didn't start having a problem until last year, but have been swearing up and down that I'd never quit drinking for good again.

And then, out of the blue, I'm declaring I'm quitting drinking for good again! Well, clearly, it was my ego that was the one committed to never quitting drinking again! No shame here!

It's a pretty good story that got me to this place. I'll tell it later when I'm feeling better. Right now I'm feeling scared and in shock and disappointed and confused. But I'm also feeling grateful, in Purpose, relieved, and free.

I don't trust myself at all though not to drink.

Since the first week is always the hardest, my loving husband (we're separated but best friends and co-parents), is actually taking time off from one of his demanding careers this week to babysit me. After all, I deserve this transition to be as easy as possible, and like every single soul--I deserve more love, not less.

I'm feeling safe today, Day 2, and tomorrow afternoon I have a dental appointment, so I know I won't want to drink before that, so Richard is going to drive me to the appointment because I don't trust myself not to stop at the booze store on the way home; and then he's going to hang-out here during the day for the rest of the week, until I feel grounded enough in sobriety to trust myself. He'll be able to work from here grading papers, as well as telecommuting for his engineering job. Richard is a Senior Aerospace Engineer for the Navy (as a civilian Federal employee), as well as a teacher at SDSU (the semester just ended). Isn't he wonderful?! 