Saturday, May 14, 2016

I'm A Double Aquarius (Sun And Moon). I Change My Mind A LOT!

I so totally drank on Thursday! (Not since then.) And to my yuge surprise, I didn't enjoy it very much.
But the thing is, it did give me the energy I craved (see yesterday's post), and the funny thing is that when I don't go overboard, the next day I have more energy too!

It's important to note that I am feeling very strong and very confident yesterday and today!

Thursday afternoon, Day 5 of abstaining from booze, I had an inspired conversation with 21 1/2-year-old Bethany before choosing to drink, my youngest brilliant daughter (I'm blessed with two brilliant daughters!), and she eventually gave me her blessing to break my commitment to not drink for 30 days, based on what we discussed. She's a social drinker, btw, who agreed to do the 30-day reboot with me.

You see, I was questioning my motives for doing the 30-day-reboot of abstinence (but not The 30-Day Sobriety Solution program itself, which I love); thinking I did it out of fear; thinking my FOO was my reason; thinking that now that I'm free of them I can go back to drinking once or twice a week; thinking I had to try; thinking I deserved to feel better and get some relief from the symptoms of ME/CFS (link in right margin).

After our chat I asked GodGoddessUniverse to show me a sign if I was to not drink. I would have honored a sign if it came. I'm big on signs. The universe is sending them all the time, you know, to all of us. Just like how last week when I was driving to the liquor store, my Intuition told me not to, and I went home instead, even though I wanted to drink (this was before I started the reboot). Intuition is your soul. Surrendering to GodGoddessUniverse (or whatever You want to call it) and always listening to, trusting, and honoring your Intuition is the only way to live. It's the only way to truly be happy. Even beloved atheists can do this! 
I am learning to cultivate these things!
I am learning to cultivate these things!
Surrendering. Asking For Help. Being Aware Of Signs. Listening To, Trusting, And Honoring Your Intuition --- Even If Your Ego Doesn't Like It! It's Not Always Easy Or Clear. Choosing Love Over Anything Else Every Chance You Get.

So, there was definitely no signs from above not to drink that day, and I even felt supported by the angels, but I did feel uncomfortable when I was taking the 6-pack out of the Bev Mo fridge. That was my Intuition. It wasn't a strong enough feeling to change my mind. Maybe I was meant to get that needed energy more than I was meant to not drink the beer.

Then there's the part about that I think of myself as a writer and for so many writers writing and drinking go hand in hand.

So, this free-spirited double Aquarius doesn't know what she's going to do until she does it when it comes to drinking. But she also tells the truth about it. No secrets. No lies. The Truth Shall Set You Free.

My heart's desire is still to drink once or twice a week, 1(one) - 5 standard drinks, sometimes 6. I am the happiest when that is my habit.

People need OPTIONS when they seek help for substance abuse because everyone is different. I list my favorite sources of support in the right margin of my retired Drinking Blog (link above).
Recovery Is An Inside Job. The right help is needed, but everyone has to create their own program and find their own formula and define sobriety for themselves.

I'm aligning myself with the Will of GodGoddessUniverse today. Even if my ego doesn't like it.
I love my ego/inner child, and ask it to come with me to the magical place of Integration. 
Balance Represents Integration Of The Ego.