Saturday, May 28, 2016

Oh Dear. Relapse With Drinking Happens

My post today at The-30-Day-Sobriety-Solution forum:

Goodness, I've been all over the place in my drinking/sobriety journey.

On May 15 I decided to quit drinking for good. I was absolutely craving-free for 12 days.

Yesterday I was totally blindsided by cravings, the desire to drink, and thoughts like, "I'll just go back to being a secret drinker like I did in 2013 and 2014 when I was successfully moderating." By moderating I mean I was drinking once or twice a month but usually to get drunk.

It was like I didn't even TRY to not give-in to the cravings last night. They were too strong.

It was like it wasn't even me, but someone else driving to the store, buying the vodka, bringing it home, and secretly drinking it while watching the Netflix series "Bloodline" which somehow triggered me. I was watching it when the cravings hit.

I planned on drinking moderately. I failed. I suffered greatly throughout the night and half of this day, especially emotionally. And, oh the fear and disappointment. Now I'm grateful about it because I want to get back to being a teetotaler and to make it last for life.

How TIMELY that today's Solution was about Relapse. I just devoured the article:

Blog readers, mercifully what happened was a humbling experience. I believe I truly was touched by an angel over two weeks ago and received a Divine Healing that seamlessly made me suddenly want to be a teetotaler. I thought that would make me exempt from having cravings. Especially because I was craving-free for 12 consecutive days.