Friday, June 17, 2016

I Don't Want To Drink, I Want Relief From My Symptoms

Gawd I wish I could drink once a month just to escape from these torturous ME/CFS symptoms once in a while!

Day 21 substance-free since starting over after my one-day slip on Day 13 substance-free, and I mark May 15 as the day I chose to quit drinking for good! I'm thrilled and grateful because I'm basically allergic to alcohol.

But since quitting I really notice how ill I am from this damn disease of ME/CFS and the symptoms are stifling. The main reason I drank was to get a vacation from the physical suffering (and BOREDOM!) because there's nothing else that works. There certainly aren't any meds I'd ever take for the CONSTANT:

debilitating bone-crushing fatigue
muscle weakness and stiffness
feeling severely off-balance and dizzy (I call it tilty)
feeling like my brain is congested, my very brain itself
feeling like my brain is a soggy sponge
pressure at the brain stem
neurological problems
silence-destroying 24/7 tinnitus
severe cognitive impairment and short term memory loss
having to sit or sleep in bed over 20 hours every single day

Having ME/CFS is sort of like having a really bad flu that never goes away.

The thought of drinking makes me sick, thank God, but the thought of getting relief from the symptoms creates a longing for that---if only I could limit drinking to once a month. But if I tried that again it would create the constant thought to drink and that's a worse kind of hell than I'm already in.

I regret that I'm not into cannabis but I'm not. It may relieve some symptoms and even help heal inflammation and pain, but it makes my cognitive and memory problems even worse! I don't see myself ever enjoying pot without booze. And I'm afraid to use the CBD or THC tinctures I have as they contain alcohol which could trigger me to drink. If I ever choose to experiment with cannabis by itself I will wait until I've had 30 consecutive alcohol-free days. I'm actually fearful that any kind of weed will trigger me to want to drink, especially if I don't like the way it makes me feel without drinking, so it won't be worth it in that case. Stephen King I'm not!

Wow. Writing this out was good therapy! I feel  R E L I E F  !  This emotional and psychological relief helps heaps and gobs with enduring the physical challenges, and heals the thoughts to drink!

I'm going to post what I wrote here at the 30-Day forum and maybe at the Soberistas forum, which I just joined. I found Soberistas last year but left because I was looking for moderation help at the time. (Links in right margin)