Friday, July 1, 2016

Now They're Just Somebodies That I Used To Know

I'm speaking about, of course, my FOO, my family of origin, whom I finally successfully orphaned myself from after all these decades.

As I say those words to myself I notice that I feel a sense of peace, joy, and almost elation. Does this mean I truly am on the right path?! Does this mean I truly am Free At Last? (I wrote a play in high school with that title.)(No, I no longer have it, just as I no longer have anything from my youth except for my giant Raggedy Ann and a very few assorted pictures, and a tin of buttons that my mother and my grandmother used to collect. My mother was not much interested in saving things of mine--therefore neither was I--nor in sharing pictures with me.)

Truly, 2016 is the year of liberation for me. I'm free from FOO and I'm free from alcohol.
Not just FOO but FOO+, all my relatives too. It had to be that way. It's all in my memoir-in-progress.

I've attempted to estrange myself from them many times over the many years, in fact, I did estrange myself from them many times, but this is the last time. I can feel the difference. I have learned all I need to learn from them, and I have learned that trying to bring truth and healing is FUTILE.

What I noticed this morning when another unwanted email trickled into my old Cox email account from FOO+ about their upcoming annual family reunion, was no strong reaction inside myself at all. I felt emptiness (that's good!!), and I blocked the email address. Cox is not very user friendly for emails and my mind was never even able to grasp that I could block people in there until this summer.

The first totally unexpected emails (I thought they were going to leave us alone now since they finally stopped calling, texting, sending stuff, and emailing my Gmail account) from them that came in triggered me to drink recently, but that part turned out to be a gift that I blogged about, because it showed me that booze no longer has any power over me, that I don't have to fear it, and that the thrill of drinking was gone! I haven't looked back since! I quit drinking on May 15th, and the two drinking choices I made since then were part of my journey; were a needed process to secure my sobriety.

It's a good feeling no longer having any internal blocks about blocking anyone in my FOO+. It's an empowering feeling learning that not only am I surviving being an orphan-by-choice, but I'm thriving. And I think it's only going to get better and better for me!

I'm a late bloomer who is stepping into her own.

<insert picture of my vivacious self here! Victory arms in the air! I don't have one like that but I will!>

I wish them all only peace and love.