Wednesday, August 17, 2016

FUCK Alcohol

I'm in better spirits (no pun intended) today. A great sense of relief throughout my being. I know it's not going to be easy never drinking again, and I don't know how to do that, but I'm really going to give it my all. My daughter's relief and happiness yesterday said it all.

I ask myself, "What's wrong with me?!" that makes me keep drinking, I mean "made" me keep drinking. And echoes of my mother's shrieks at me all growing up scream in my brain, "What's WRONG with you, Judy?!!"

Yes, there are too many challenges in my life, and yes, I've been through a lot, so I guess I do understand why. And I don't take meds so I don't have those to rely on like so many, too many, people do.

Upon awakening this morning, as I was gently emerging into full consciousness, I noticed how peaceful I felt. I noticed that at my core was JOY. That's the real me. So, I'll be fine.

Cannabis is my friend and I'm not afraid of it. I also have no interest in using it at this time. But I'm glad it's there for me when I want to. I don't fear it will trigger me to want to drink. But even if it does, I know I won't drink. That is, I feel that confidence right now.

I'm grateful about that! After all, everyone who wants to enjoy altering their consciousness once in a while ought to have that right and opportunity! Not to mention the many healing benefits of cannabis.

I like how my Sobriety birthday is 8/16/2016 = 24 = 6 = The Lovers (in tarot)
That, for some reason, gives me comfort and hope for my romantic future.