Thursday, August 18, 2016

Phew! That Was Close!

Day 3 of sober and almost overpowered by cravings to drink.
Almost drove to the store to get booze.
Why I'm surprised I'd feel this way is beyond me.
What stopped me?
My beautiful daughter.
I am honest enough and decent enough and caring enough to have turned to her first, before just going out somewhere and lying about why.
She really is hurt by my drinking.
You know, before all this that happened happened she'd never expressed to me that my drinking hurt her.
She only ever said my driving while drinking hurt her, or the rare times I imposed on her when I drank annoyed her.
But today she rated on a scale of 1 - 10 how much my drinking in general hurts her -- a 5.
OUCH
The driving and rare-imposing hurts an 8. OUCH!
5 is still a high number when it's your daughter you are hurting.
I sat in my room until the cravings passed.
Then I took a bit of CBD tincture for my nerves and anxiety.
What a gift it will be if I really can switch from alcohol to cannabis.
No one gets hurt and no one suffers.
And I'll never use it to excess because I never have.
And I'll never use it every day because I never even drank booze every day.
I always have and always will prefer being substance-free.

The reason I wanted to drink today, feeling deeply hurt by my "him," is a really bad reason to drink.